Friday, March 26, 2010

"Heaters"

Well folks this NCAA tourney has been one for the ages. It began with one of the best opening days in tourney history. It showcased what we in the biz call “heaters” AKA close games. I haven’t seen this many heaters since my mother was baking Christmas cookies in the oven back in 2001. Let us just say Jeff put on a few pounds of fat over Christmas break that year. This is also why I believe I wasn’t offered a division 1 football scholarship. That and I didn’t weigh enough, and may or may not have been fast enough. This is all beside the point, back to the topic at hand. March Madness!!!!
Up to the Xavier vs. Kansas State game I had seen every down to the wire finish in every game that has been on, thanks to direct tv and there March Madness package, where I can watch up to 4 games at a time or just one of my choice. This might be the single greatest invention ever since Tim Tebow (come on you knew that was coming.) Now back to last night. I had a few people over to watch the Butler game, which was another heater. After the game was over my friends left and it was just me and the ole ball and chain AKA my girlfriend Brittany. We stayed up and watched the next set of games till the Xavier and Kansas State game went to halftime. Brittany then suggested we should probably go to bed because it was getting late. So I blame her for the fact that I missed probably one of the best tourney games in the past decade (ok I may or may not have been just as tired as her, but it still sounds better blaming it on someone else.) I woke up this morning to a text from my buddy Joel that read, “Gus Johnson is going nuts!!!” Gus Johnson did the play by play for that game. At that point right there I went into complete Jimmy Fallon mode from the movie “Fever Pitch” where Fallon is a die hard Red Sox fan and has season tickets and hasn’t missed a game in years. He decides one night to go to an event with his girlfriend and missed one of the greatest Yankees vs. Red Sox games ever. This feeling can be compared to missing out on a great life experience, for women we could compare it to child birth or your wedding day. Now do you see where we are coming from ladies? I arrived to work and checked everyone’s facebook and twitter updates. This didn’t help me feel any better. All I saw were things like “wow what a game!” Or “man they were trading 3 point shots left and right” and “man I can’t believe Jordan Crawford hit that shot in OT.” Needless to say, I felt empty inside.As my day went on I traded texts and emails from friends who were talking about the game. I even had people on my facebook talking about it. Thanks guys and gals, I appreciate it (insert sarcasm here.)It came to the point of my day where I asked myself, do I go online and watch these highlights? Seeing how I wasn’t working anyway I said ok. I logged on and watched them, and watched both teams trade 3 point shot after 3 point shot. It looked like a old school heavyweight boxing match. Listening to Gus Johnson morph into complete army drill Sgt. Instructor mode did not make me any happier. If you don't know anything about Gus Johnson please check out this youtube video, and if your a male and your dick doesn't get hard from listening to it, then you may want to try viagra or cialis and if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours you may want to see a doctor.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB2KOhEceNM All tourney long I wanted to here Gus Johnson at his best, and what happened? I fell asleep. I learned a lot from this mistake though. Never again will I go to bed during another NCAA tourney game. I don’t care if I have to buy aderol from a unreliable drug dealer or even snort a few lines of cocaine. I will never miss a NCAA tourney game for as long as I live outside a senior citizen home. I mean lets face it, at that point in life that’s out of my control and so are my bowel movements. Have a great rest of March Madness folks.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

"Here Comes the Circus"

Dear USC and Lane Kiffin,

I heard the circus is in town, is that true? Oh wait you just hired Lane Kiffin as your head football coach. I don’t understand your thought process on this one USC. Your program is facing potential sanctions for NCAA violations and you go out and hire the head coach who lead the nation in violations last year, even if they were secondary violations. I have lost a lot of respect for USC in recent weeks and as of yesterday I hope this program just goes to shambles, and it will just give that idiot of a coach you just hired time. He will make you regret your decision, just like the Raiders and The University of Tennessee have. The guy makes promises to fans, players, and recruits that he will not uphold. For once Raiders owner Al Davis does not seem so senile to me, as he said this about Kiffin. "Lane Kiffin is a flat-out liar. He lied to the team, he lied to the fans, and he lied to the media. He will try to destroy that university like he tried to destroy the Raiders." - Al Davis, June 8, 2009
Naturally, Kiffin’s Tuesday night Tennessee “farewell” press conference started thirty minutes late and produced little more than a 60-second sound byte. He didn’t thank a school administrator, acknowledge any of his players and/or coaching staff by name, and stood nervously — like a weasel — with crossed arms, an all too casual short-sleeved polo shirt for the given circumstances, and a nervous sway. He alluded to his 14 months in Knoxville as if he’d been serving time in some far off distant land. This was not the same Lane Kiffin who boldly took swipes at Urban Meyer and exhibited great arrogance and bravado in media interviews throughout the season. This was a 34-year-old man (err, boy) who hasn’t won a thing as a head coach sneaking out the back door and creeping up the football coaching ladder, yet again. Below are some photos and youtube videos. They aren't exactly G-rated. If you scroll down you can even see Urban Meyer smiling when he receives the news. http://deadspin.com/5446833/ut-fans-now-attacking-defenseless-rock-burning-mattress-update

Lane Kiffin quit on his team at Tennessee. He treated them like a one night stand whore. He finished the season at 7-6 and found out how hard it is to compete in the SEC. I got news for you Lane; the Pac-10 is getting better. USC is in a decline, facing sanctions and if the NCAA comes down hard on you, well good luck bud because Oregon and Oregon State are two good programs along with Stanford who has beaten up on USC in recent years. You guys use to do the same thing to Stanford and this year when Harbaugh paid it back to your boy Pete Carroll, he got a little upset. What goes around comes around Lane. You will get what you deserve. I am sure you will bail ship before it gets too bad there in So. Cal. That’s been your legacy thus far. I wish you nothing but the worst, and I can’t believe I am saying this right now but Go Irish!

Sincerely,

Kiffin Hater, Jeff McGuinness

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

"Thank You"

In December of 2005 Urban Meyer was at a hotel in New York City where he first mentioned the name Tim Tebow to a group of Florida boosters. Meyer said, "I don't know if we will get him, but I will tell you this," Meyer told the group that day, "whoever gets Tim, they'll win multiple championships." Florida Linebacker Brandon Spikes first met Tim Tebow on a recruiting visit to Alabama and came away knowing one thing. I am going wherever that kid goes to college. Tebow went to Florida, and Spikes followed. For those of you who read this blog and enjoy the comedy of it, this blog won’t have any. This blog will be remembering one of the greatest collegiate athletes to ever play the game the right way, and go above and beyond of what was asked of him on and off the field.It has been some time since an athlete like Tim Tebow has come along. He has used football as a platform to get his mission out to the general public. It is not about how many football games you win, or how many championships you win, but how you can help affect the lives of others. I think it is safe to say Tebow has done a pretty good job of that. Who knew that Tebow would spend his spring breaks doing missionary work in the Philippines? That Tebow would spend much of his free time speaking to children in hospitals and orphanages and prisons throughout North Florida? That Tebow would make a "promise" during a live press conference to work harder than any player in the country, and then back it up en route to a championship? That 93 million people would Google "John 3:16" the day after Tebow wore the Bible verse on his eye black at the BCS Championship Game?

I went to the SEC title game this past weekend, and saw how #15 has influenced others. I got to my seat nearly an hour before kickoff. I saw a family next to me, a husband and wife, along with their 7 year old boy. All three were wearing Tim Tebow jerseys. The man had told me that they weren’t that big of college football fans until one Saturday afternoon they were watching Florida and listened to the commentators talking about Tim Tebow and some of the programs he was involved with. He said, “We became instant fans, and my son just followed suit.” Their 7 year old boy was asleep when I met him. I asked his dad, “Is he sleeping?” His dad told me that he had his tonsils taken out a few days ago, and the medicine makes him tired. Shortly before kickoff he woke up. His seat was right next to mine, so I asked him, “You ready for this game?” He looked at me and smiled and said, “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” The game didn’t go as planned, and that little boy was in tears as he then was sitting on his mothers lap. I wanted Florida to win just as much as the next gator fan did, but it didn’t work out that way. As I made the hour drive back to where I was staying, I took in what I had heard from that family and realized that Tim Tebow did his job and he did it better than anyone could ever ask for.

Thank you for the many great victories and championships you helped win. Thank you for “The Promise” and the promise that was kept. Thank you for the honor and integrity that you displayed. But most of all thank you for the memories. God Bless.