Photo Fantasy Finish

Well I didn't plan on writing a entry for this week but the storyline unfolding in my fantasy football league is too good to pass up. I will first fill you in on how our league works, as it isn't like most of the regular leagues. The league I am in has two different aspects to it. We have one that is a regular fantasy football league combined with a pick em against the spread. The pick em makes us pick every NFL game against the point spread. Whatever place you are in both leagues is your point total. You following me so far? For instance if you are in 3rd place in fantasy and 4th in pick em, you would have 7 total points, which would put you in around 3rd place overall. Whoever finishes in last place in our league gets kicked out for the following year and must drop down to our feeder league AKA our minor league fantasy league that starts next year. Yes you heard correct we have a ten person major and ten person minor league starting next year. The loser from the major league gets the boot and the champion from the minor league gets the call up to the bigs.

The drama that will unfold on Sunday will be epic. Nicholas Alfonso Elroy Pickens Fredrick Kerr is currently sitting in last place and stressing out about being kicked out of the league. He needs to have a good week in pick em in order to save himself from being sent down to the minors. Personally I hope he can pull it off. His comic relief on the message board along with text messages throughout the week are top notch. He will be greatly missed from the league next year. Since we have a feeder league I sent him this text last night using ESPN 30 for 30 lingo. "What if I told you that Sunday is his last supper? ESPN 30 for 30 presents a Kerricane in the feeder league. After he received that he replied with, "What if I told you he got back up and won the fight." He then said , "This league needs me. I wont accept a spot in the minors. I would rather hang them up." Kerr if you're reading this, I have a going away song for you. We are going to miss you homie. I will pour one out for you at the draft next year. http://www.youtub.com/watch?v=ggNymSJ52Fw See the picture below for Nick Kerr.

As for who will be the league champion. It's all going to come down to the final standings in the pick em, as Jeff Schmaltz is in 1st place overall followed closely by 2nd place Nate Godsey. Nate is currently in 1st in pick em followed by Schmaltz and then me. If i can pass Schmaltz in pick em and Nate keeps the lead over me. Nate will win the whole league and capture the trophy from his brother Joel who won the league last year. If I fail to pass Schmaltz in the pick em then Jeffrey Deery Schmaltz will become a champion in just his 2nd year in the league. Gentlemen I can be bought. It should be a great NFL Sunday this weekend. Here is a photo of the two duking it out for the league title this weekend. Nate is on the left and Schmaltz is on the right. Disregard the gentlemen wearing SPF 30 on his nose in a 25 degree Colts tailgate a few weeks ago.

"Damn Pumpkin Patch"

Hey sports fans happy Friday to you all. Another college and NFL football weekend is upon us. I took a look at the schedule for Saturday. There are no good games on what so ever. So you know what that means? It’s time to load up on the booze, and make the best of the situation. Take a few shots of jack, bong a few beers, and repeat that process. If you’re looking for a lock on Saturday, take South Florida +6 at Pitt. There you go degenerates, empty out the bank accounts and load up on South Florida.

Okay folks now it is time to get to business. So last Sunday I have to ref 2 football games at 1 and 2:30, which means I am going to miss the 1 p.m. NFL games. Okay no big deal I can check out the 4 p.m. games. I get home and get 2 pieces of bad news. One being my girlfriend Brittany wants to go to the pumpkin patch. Last I checked I am not 6 years old, nor do I have a 6 year old, so I should not have to go to the pumpkin patch. The second piece of bad news is that I was getting destroyed in fantasy football and the only person that could save my day was Randy Moss. I turn on the Pats vs. Titans game and see that there is a damn blizzard. So I am thinking I am screwed either way. As I am driving to the pumpkin patch I begin to realize that people there are going to look at me without having a kid near me. So if I am a parent there and see a guy like me there with no kid, there are a few thoughts that would go thru my head. One is this guy a registered sex offender? Because if he isn’t he probably should be. If he is then I need to find my kids and get the hell out of here. I mean it got to the point where I thought about just grabbing a kid that was by himself and have him walk by me so I could at least look like I had a kid. Keep in mind this entire time I am constantly checking my fantasy stats on my phone to see if Randy Moss can pull off a miracle. Brittany and I get on this damn hayride to go get her pumpkin. I am 6’6” and I am on this damn hayride with 5 other couples who have kids. These kids think its fun to throw hay at each other and there parents. I did not find it very amusing because the way the wind was blowing made all the damn hay flies into my face. I came very close to going all Brock Lesnar on these little shits. All the parents think it’s funny and cute. HAHA! Yea great. Fantasy update Randy Moss just scored a TD. Yes! I only need like 25 more points. We finally get off this hayride to look at pumpkins. The first thing I see is this little red haired girl crying and yelling mommy I found one! Mommy I found one! I wasn’t paying close enough attention though. As she ran to get her mom I happen to look at pumpkins and pick the same one she wanted. The girl comes running back and says that’s her pumpkin and she begins crying again. Ah, hell! Now I look like Adam Sandler playing dodge ball in Billy Madison. I gave the girl the pumpkin, but part of me wonders how the situation would’ve played out had I been that guy who says, “You snooze you lose little girl.” Brittany finally picks out two pumpkins and we get back on the hayride back to the entrance. Fantasy update Randy Moss has scored 2 more TD’s and I am now somehow winning my fantasy game. Yes 5-1 and in first place bitches. Now we get back to the entrance and they got this damn dinosaur thing on display that eats pumpkins and they then fall from its mouth. These kids run right up to the front of this thing all excited. Shortly after this kids are in tears from the noises the dinosaur and pumpkin debris falling all over them. Freaking hilarious, I sat there and ate a corn dog and a funnel cake enjoying the whole thing. I finally get back to my apartment and can watch football for the first time all day, and then Brittany wants me to help her carve the pumpkin. Sorry honey this is where I put my foot down. I’m sitting my ass on the couch and watching football the rest of the night. And for those of you who don’t believe that happened. It did. Well sports fans have a great football weekend and don’t drink and drive. You might spill your drink of choice.